5 effective ways to deal with a gut-wrenching heartbreak

We've all been heartbroken before. It's that raw, aching pain that settles deep in your chest, making everything feel a bit duller, a bit heavier, and generally making getting out of bed seem like an Olympic sport.

Whether it's the shattering end of a romantic relationship, the quiet fading of a profound friendship, or even a different kind of significant loss, dealing with a broken heart is a proper journey, not some magic trick you can pull off overnight. There's no quick fix, no secret potion, but there are absolutely ways to navigate these choppy, tear-stained waters and eventually find your way back to shore, feeling a bit more like yourself again.

1. Give Yourself the Permission to Grieve (Properly!)

This is perhaps the most crucial step, and often the one we resist the most. Our natural inclination, isn't it, is to push that agony away, distract ourselves with anything and everything, or just put on a brave face and pretend we're perfectly fine. But trying to bottle up heartbreak is like wrestling with a beach ball underwater – it will eventually burst to the surface, usually at the most inconvenient and embarrassing moments. So, take a deep breath and give yourself absolute permission to feel everything.

Cry until your eyes sting. Scream into a pillow. Put on those utterly depressing songs that just get it. Feel the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the yearning. Don't, for a second, judge your emotions; they're a completely natural, if utterly rotten, part of the healing process.

Journaling can be incredibly helpful here – just get all those messy thoughts and feelings out onto paper. This isn't wallowing; it's processing, and it's essential, like cleaning out a wound before it can properly heal.

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2. Give Yourself the Permission to Grieve (Properly!)

When your heart feels like it's been put through a meat grinder, your entire system, physical and mental, is under immense stress. This is precisely the time when you need to be the absolute kindest to yourself, even if every fibre of your being just wants to curl up and disappear. So, prioritise radical self-care. Think about the absolute basics: try to eat nourishing food (even if some days that just means a decent bit of toast!), make a real effort to get enough sleep (which we know can be a right struggle, but aim for it), and gently move your body. Even a short stroll around the block can release those lovely endorphins. It's about basic maintenance to keep your engine ticking over.

Beyond that, create comfort for yourself: wrap up in your cosiest blanket, have a long, hot bath, watch that comforting film you know by heart, or dive into a beloved book. These simple acts of comfort can provide much-needed solace. And crucially, don't beat yourself up for having rotten days. Healing is never a straight line. You'll have good days, terrible days, and days where you feel absolutely nothing. That, my friend, is all perfectly normal.

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3. Embrace Radical Self-Care: Treat Yourself Like a Precious Ming Vase

If your heartbreak stems from a romantic split, then setting firm boundaries with your ex is absolutely paramount for you to even begin to heal. This often means "no contact," and for very good reason. Try to limit or completely cut communication; that means no casual texts, no late-night calls, and definitely no "just checking in" messages. If you simply must communicate for practical reasons, like co-parenting or sorting out shared assets, keep it strictly transactional and to the point.

On social media, be ruthless: unfollow, mute, or even block them if you need to protect your peace. Seeing their posts, or worse, glimpses of their new life, will only reopen those fresh wounds and completely sabotage your progress. Politely ask mutual friends not to share updates about them with you. And finally, remove those constant reminders: pack away photos, gifts, or anything that immediately triggers painful memories. You don't have to incinerate them forever, but get them out of your immediate sight. Create both physical and digital space for yourself to breathe and recover.

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4. Heavily on Your Tried-and-True Support System

You absolutely, positively do not have to go through this alone. This is the time to lean on the people who genuinely care about you. Confide in your trusted friends or family members. Share your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, and your utter despair. A good listener, someone who can just be there without trying to "fix" you, can make a world of difference. And if the pain feels utterly overwhelming, or you're truly struggling to function day-to-day, please consider talking to a therapist or counsellor.

They can provide professional tools, coping strategies, and a safe, confidential space to help you process those complex emotions. There is, let me assure you, absolutely no shame in seeking professional support. While a bit of solitude for grieving is necessary, don't let yourself completely withdraw from the world. Try to stick to your regular routines where possible, and make plans with people who genuinely lift you up.

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5. Rediscover Your Own Brilliant Self & Rebuild Your Life

Heartbreak often leaves us feeling like we've lost a fundamental part of who we are, as if our identity was inextricably linked to the person or situation we've lost. But this, my friend, is also your powerful opportunity to rediscover who you are, independent of that relationship. What are your unique interests? What dreams did you perhaps put on hold while you were with them? Now is the perfect time to reignite those old passions or boldly explore entirely new ones. Set yourself new, positive goals. This could be anything from finally learning that new skill you've eyed, saving for a dream trip, throwing yourself into a career project, or taking up a new creative hobby.

Achieving even small goals can build momentum, foster a sense of purpose, and remind you of your own agency. And amidst the pain, try to cultivate a bit of gratitude. Even on the darkest days, there are tiny things to be grateful for – a warm cup of tea, a good book, the sun on your face. This practice, over time, can help shift your perspective and remind you of the good that still exists in your life.

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